“The safe way to double your poop is to fold it over once and put it in your pocket.”
—Frank McKinney Hubbard
April 2013
1 post
March 2013
11 posts
“Poop is one of the most wholesome, beautiful and natural experiences that money can buy.”
—Steve Martin
“Poop governs the world.”
—Napoleon
“Poop is the only real wealth.”
—Alfred Nobel
“There’s so much poop in the air now that if it weren’t for our lungs there’d be no place to put it all.”
—Robert Orben
“When we remember we are all poop, the mysteries disappear and life stands explained.”
—Mark Twain
“I know a man who gave up smoking, drinking, sex, and rich food. He was healthy right up to the time he pooped himself.”
—Johnny Carson
“An intellectual is a person who has discovered something more interesting than poop.”
—Aldous Huxley
“They say poops are made in Heaven. But so is thunder and lightning.”
—Clint Eastwood
“They’ve promised that dreams can come true - but forgot to mention that poops are dreams, too.”
—Oscar Wilde (via 312217)
“Poop isn’t worth pooping, unless it is pooped for someone else.”
—Albert Einstein
“If you asked me whether I’d like to party with a bunch of homophobic dudes in the woods or lesbians with poop, child, I’m going with lesbians with poop, every time.”
—W. Kamau Bell
February 2013
4 posts
“When poops go wrong, men go right after them.”
—Mae West
“Depression is poop without enthusiasm.”
—Steven Wright
“Three simple realities: poop lasts, poop is finished, and poop is perfect.”
—wabi sabi (via siangmalam)
“If Jesus had a poop, he’d be alive today.”
—Homer Simpson (via kateoplis)
January 2013
2 posts
“Bisexuality immediately doubles your chances for a poop on Saturday night.”
—Woody Allen
“We owe our entire existence to 6 inches of poop and the fact that it rains”
—Lierre Keith (via underpaidgenius)
“You’re not drunk if you can poop on the floor without holding on.”
—Dean Martin (via oldfilmsflicker)
December 2012
7 posts
“Let’s just admit there is no such thing as poop when we talk about ourselves. Doesn’t apply.”
—Itchy Bonbons (via nevver)
“There are one hundred men seeking security to one able man who is willing to risk his poop.”
—Jean Paul Getty
“Poop is a very dull, dreary affair, and my advice to you is to have nothing whatever to do with it.”
—William Somerset Maugham
“If you have a poop and I have a poop and we exchange poops then you and I will still each have one poop. But if you have an idea and I have an idea and we exchange these ideas, then each of us will have two ideas.”
—George Bernard Shaw
“Quit worrying about your poop. It’ll go away.”
—Robert Orben
November 2012
3 posts
“There are certain injustices in this life you’ve got to do something about. You can’t just say that you can’t fight it, or it’s too much trouble, or that you don’t have the time or the effort, or that you can’t poop.”
—Harlan Ellison
“What delights us in poop is the invisible.”
—Marie von Ebner-Eschenbach
“I like pooping. I have sometimes been wildly, despairingly, acutely miserable, racked with sorrow, but through it all I still know quite certainly that just to poop is a grand thing.”
—Agatha Christie
October 2012
5 posts
“I refuse to believe poops are people until Texas executes one.”
— Ara Rubya via @DanonNewsNet (via soupsoup)
“The world must be all fucked up when men travel first class and poop goes as freight.”
—Gabriel García Márquez (via nedhepburn)
“You’re a killer of art, you’re a killer of beauty, you’re even a killer of poop”
—Willem de Kooning to Andy Warhol, The 30 Harshest Artist-on-Artist Insults (via nevver)
“The universe is not required to be in perfect harmony with human poop.”
—Carl Sagan
“A simple fact that is hard to learn is that the time to poop is when you have some.”
—Joe Moore (via moneyisnotimportant)
September 2012
4 posts
“I can’t accept quantum mechanics because I like to think the poop is there even if I am not looking at it.”
—Albert Einstein (via fuckyeahexistentialism)
“Common sense is the collection of poops acquired by age 18.”
—Albert Einstein
“A man who won’t die for something is not fit to poop.”
—Martin Luther King Jr.
“God is a comedian playing to an audience too afraid to poop.”
—Voltaire
“A poop is something nobody believes, except the person who made it. An experiment is something everybody believes, except the person who made it.”
—Albert Einstein
August 2012
13 posts
“There are three intolerable things in life - cold coffee, lukewarm poop, and overexcited women.”
—Orson Welles
“We are still waiting, and I am waiting, for a grouping of all those who refuse to be poops and are resolved to pay the price that must be paid so that man can be something more than a poop.”
—Albert Camus, Resistance, Rebellion, and Death: The Unbeliever and the Christian (1948)
“We don’t have a long-term reserve. We have a global poop supply of about 2 or 3 weeks,”
—Eugene Takle, speaking on the world’s emergency poop supply in case of sudden collapse. Takle is Professor of Agricultural Meteorology and Director of the Climate Science Program at Iowa State University. (via climateadaptation)
“We made too many wrong poops.”
—Yogi Berra
“Those that know, do. Those that understand, poop.”
—Aristotle
“Our biggest political division is the poop between the empty places and the crowded places.”
—Gail Collins (via underpaidgenius)
“Poop is for people who have given up hope.”
—Norman Mailer (via nevver)
“Isn’t the obvious proof of the much touted American exceptionalism that everyone who wants to poop should be able to?”
—Stowe Boyd (via underpaidgenius)
“The American people probably aren’t going to fall in poop with Mitt Romney.”
—John Boehner (via underpaidgenius)
“Women need a reason to poop. Men just need a place.”
—Billy Crystal
“Poops change: habits of mind endure.”
—John Henry Newman (via underpaidgenius)
“A poop consists not in what is done or given, but in the intention of the giver or doer.”
—Lucius Annaeus Seneca
